When I truly knew you’d be gone

Your said the words that night

But when the next day came

I truly knew

That you would be gone

—-

I woke up

Looked in the mirror and saw

Someone I didn’t know

And I understood that I’d lost

My chance of holding you

—-

I no longer knew who I was

And cried and screamed

And banged my fists on the

Bathroom sink

And felt my heart break,

My mind shatter

—-

Although I still look the same to others

Depression now fills the space I’d kept for you

I’ve lost my hearts connection  

But remain where I am

And no one knows

Or sees behind

The fine deception 

JA

Love and Resentment

I spend my days alone, reading, writing

Caring for an ailing friend

—–

I care for him with love and resentment

Because once he became sick, I was trapped.

—–

Trapped by circumstance and loyalty to love

Wanting freedom

—–

But what difference does it make?

I trapped myself long before

—–

When I forgot to see my tomorrows

Just surviving through the days

—–

Absorbed by hope and happiness

Focused on someone else

JA

Sleeping with the Lights On

Some nights I sleep with the lights on

I hear the creaking of the house

I hear the howling of the wind

I hear the beating tree limbs on my roof

—-

My mind seizes and searches trying to define the sounds

And being alone, I sit straight up in silence

I cannot tell if the sounds are real

I feel the fear filling me

—-

So slowly creeping from my bed

I reach for the comfort of the light

Turn on the switch

I look around, “the coast is clear”

—-

Tonight the thing that helps

To ease the fear

And bring some peace

Is sleeping with the lights on

JA

A Type of Pain

There is a type of pain in loneliness

Ask someone who lives alone, eats alone, travels alone
There is pain in knowing that your speech goes unheard and you hear no one

There is pain in knowing that you tried to do your best
But ended up alone

There is pain in feeling fear in a group
And trying to join in, without success

There is pain in hearing criticism from others
The outgoing don’t understand

There is pain in being unseen when in plain sight
Unnoticed by those around you

Ask someone who lives alone, eats alone, travels alone
Ask them if they feel that type of pain

JA

Things are Happening

Things are happening all around me

That I know I can’t control

And my head tells me that it’s ok

But my heart wont’ let them go

—-

So I struggle with the messages

And I try to find the good

I know others face much more than me

That I’ve always understood

—-

But the ache I feel won’t let me be

And my heart feels such distress

Then ahead I see a new outlook

Hoping now I’ll find some rest

JA

Miles and Time

Last night I woke

From a sound sleep

I was dreaming of you

—

Little hands, little feet

Small face, looking into my eyes

As you laughed and ran to me

—

Having fun

Playing with Pots and pans

On my kitchen floor

—

But when I woke

You were not there

I looked around and knew

—

I’ve missed those days

They disappeared with my dream

As miles and time separate us two.

JA

Becoming

They’ve moved away

The noise is gone

The constant motion ceased

I sit alone in silence

As pretty pictures of the past

Run through my mind

I hear my own thoughts

Calling me to start again

Looking for a new path in life

I cautiously close my eyes

And see myself changing

From who I was

To who I’ll soon become

 JA

A Simpler World

The emptiness of so many people astonishes me. 

The magnitude of modern things encompasses me.

And, I wonder if I am alone.

I feel the pressure of life inching and pressing from all sides.

Danger lags behind but is always with me. 

I long for less.

I reach out to nothing and no one.

I touch the mechanical things of now. 

As I wish for the life, the ways, the fullness of a simpler world.

JA

The Thinkers and the Doers

T

The trick to life is not to think

Just move and grove and do your thing.

Don’t go about wondering who you are

Or where you’ll go, if you’ll go far

Just grab a goal and then make haste

To get there in this human race

I’ve watched the thinkers’ trip and fall

I’ve watched them try to make their goal

But thoughts and words get in their way

And still they live a fruitful day

Without the prize of wealth in view

The Thinkers think for me and you

They change the world with this or that

But This or That won’t make them fat

The doers on the other hand

Will fight and push and make a stand

To get the things they think they should

No matter if it’s bad or good

The doers push from day to day

The thinkers think and keep away

But both these people need to be

A part of our society

Together they will run their race

Both moving at a different pace

But in the end, it is all good

As both have done the things they should

JA